Love will break.
Sometimes it is fixable.
Sometimes it has to be replaced.

We were supposed to take on the world.

– Avatar, Torn Apart

I’m spent.

I’m done.

Happiness has gone.

From all the feelings that I ever felt, betrayal is the hardest to stomach.

I thought things were getting better. Was I naive again? I can’t tell.

Nicole still sees him, has daily contact. Thomas Handschuh, a guy I once counted to my best friends, and whom I have never named as one of the sources of my misery, is still trying to botch my life. He just can’t get the fuck out of my way and let me try to heal my family. I wanted to have him back as a friend. Not anymore.

Last time I left some questions unanswered. This was mainly due to the fact that I had no answers to them. So I guess it is time for an update on my current situation.

I was couch surfing for a week and stayed with my relatives in Vienna. I also had a lot of talks and phone calls with many friends and family members. I have to say, I know some pretty awesome people. Thank you all for your support, kind words, suggestions and support. Also, let’s not forget the evenings with (a bit of) beer and deep, thoughtful discussions.

The next week, Nicole stayed out of the flat and I moved back in. We actually were a lot at home together, to spend time with our daughter. Needless to say, she was extremely confused and did not understand what was going on or why we were not all sleeping at home.
Sleeping in separate locations was rather strange but it helped a lot. It introduced some calm into our relationship which we desperately needed. This, along with the fact that I picked up therapy, eventually led to Nicole stopping her affair and we are now living together again.

Your life goes quickly helter skelter
Then you’re left without your shelter

A heartless warning left unread
A shitty place inside my head

Whoever this might one day read:
Beware, your demons are a threat