Sometimes you find comfort in strange places.

I reached a new low last week and came out faster and stronger than ever before.

Therapy seems to work better than I acknowledged.

So this is it. After eleven years, I am single again. We had ten wonderful years and one troubled one. We tried getting back on course. First I was not ready, then she wasn’t, still isn’t. I just broke up with the person I love more than anything else (My daughter excluded of course. Alice trumps everything, all the time).

We decided to stop having a relationship for the coming month. Nicole needs to get her life together and this is the only way in which I can help. I trade my happiness for her well being. Love makes you do crazy things.

Nicole might be ready tomorrow. Or in a week or a year. And her decision might change just as quick. She is currently so messed up that there is simply no point in carrying on. I know because I tried. I gave my best but fixing a relationship is not a solo project.

Love will break.
Sometimes it is fixable.
Sometimes it has to be replaced.

We were supposed to take on the world.

– Avatar, Torn Apart

I’m spent.

I’m done.

Happiness has gone.

From all the feelings that I ever felt, betrayal is the hardest to stomach.

I thought things were getting better. Was I naive again? I can’t tell.

Nicole still sees him, has daily contact. Thomas Handschuh, a guy I once counted to my best friends, and whom I have never named as one of the sources of my misery, is still trying to botch my life. He just can’t get the fuck out of my way and let me try to heal my family. I wanted to have him back as a friend. Not anymore.